To all of those who have expressed an interest in the Circle of IMDIAB, it is with great pleasure that I announce the recipients of this years IMDIAB awards.

The dinner was held on Saturday, July 13, 1996. I was the only invitee (who elses' opinions matter?) Also present: Arthur the Wondercat, IMDIAB's self appointed mascot, do-gooder of evil, eater of plastic bags, and can vomit his body weight in a single bound. The venue: 19 floors above the beautifully garbage ridden streets of my downtown Hamilton neighbourhood; balcony seats. The menu: consisted of a beautifully microwaved Lean Cuisine (Chicken Terriaki--for those who need to know,) Tender Vittles, caffeine free/sodium free diet Cola, and a bowl of fresh Brita filtered water. (You decide who ate what!) Entertainment: CD music provided by the Cure; Seven different ways to vomit up your dinner off of a lawn chair, onto a two week old pair of $200 NIKES, performed by Arthur the Wondercat--IN TECHNICOLOR and STEREO SURROUNDSOUND.

AWARDS PRESENTATION:

All awards were presented by Himself, and accepted, on behalf of the winners, by Arthur the Wondercat. (Please note: in some (most) cases, the winners names have been encrypted)

Best Overall Whine for having to do anything other than the minimum; the award goes to Fghil Btthkdyy. -tasteless comment pending.

Best Consistent Use of Hairgel/Hairspray: The award goes to Mike Durkacz, for keeping that "I'm a convicted wet-back" look so popular.

The "Your Too Happy For Your Own Good" Award: The award goes to Tina Traini, for causing diabetes in those who come within ten baby steps of her glowing, yet seemingly unannoying, personality.

The "Your Too Miserable To Be Breathing The Same Air As Me" Award: The award goes to Tguud Mwetbs, just for being themself..not loved by all. Who Cares?

The "I've Got Spurs That Jingle Jangle Jingle" Award: The award goes to David Tello, who has spurs that jingle jangle jingle...although if you ask the right people, those ain't spurs...it's just sort of barbed...on the end.

And finally,

The "I Know I'm About To Explode, Especially If One More Person Phones Me Griping" Award: The award goes to Brian Gedcke...keeper of the page...the headcheese (not a spelling error),... the man with a plan, and only five more months to go...HELP US ALL!!

The awards dinner, which started promptly at around Sixish p.m., concluded at 6:18 p.m. The crowd dispersed; Himself went to shower, shave, dress and spend an entertaining evening being Perfectly Frank; Arthur the Wondercat went to his favourite sandbox, kicked up a Little litter (Ya' get it Brian?), and then proceeded to hurl violently, head spinning 360 degrees...his best Linda Blair impression yet.

CONTEST TIME:

The motto of IMDIAB is "HTI RULES...THE REST CAN "B O B" "

Qu'est-ce que c'est "B O B" (Brian Gedcke is not eligible...for anything)

The prize:
10 personalized insults to the winner, to be posted on IMDIAB's homepage...for the entertainment of all, and the humiliation of one.

IBDIAB needs a LOGO...send you best idea (or rip-off) The winner will receive 10 free tickets to last seasons production of OLIVER.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER THE IMDIAB CREED "I DON'T CARE"

HIMSELF